Tomorrow is a big day. It’s the very first day of a new career and I’m all kinds of worked up about it. On the one hand, it’s beyond exciting that the thing I’ve been thinking about and working toward for years is finally happening. On the other, there are about a million and one ways to die, and as a nurse, I’ll be expected to keep people alive. No pressure right? Luckily, I got into a new graduate program that will give me seven weeks of classroom and simulation training before I get thrown out into the real world with all it’s terrors and trials. The best part is I wont be alone. Not now, during this training period, and not even when I get out there in the real world. I have several classmates and friends who will be training along with me and lots of amazing nurses who I can rely on to help me through these first few years of daunting responsibility. Believe me when I tell you I’m about to wear out my phone a friend option. Help me! I’m new!
A new career is not the only thing I’ll be juggling this week. I’m breaking up with food. All the good food anyhow. The cupcakes and chocolate and bread and all the other drool worthy awesome foods that hate my waist and enhance my giant chins. It’s so sad. We’ve been together for years, food and I. There was that baby shower with the fancy glittery cupcakes and their cheesecake filling. Oh my. There were countless crockpots and so much cheese dip. Soup and grilled cheese and sour cream on nachos. Ok. This is NOT helping. Lets move on before I cry and go all Oreo up in here.
I really do want to be healthy and pretty. That icing though. I’m afraid I’ll be a miserable skinny chic, constantly mad about all the food I’m not eating. We’ll see. I’ve got to try skinny at least once in my life. Just to see if it’s as cool as it looks.
Last year I hired a trainer to help get me started. It was awesome and terrible all rolled up in sweat and shin splints. The trainer made me do things I never knew I could. I had no idea I could move that way, and frankly I’m pretty impressed that nothing broke or bent in the process. I don’t think I would’ve even tried some of that stuff if I didn’t have an intimidating coach standing over me waiting to judge my lack of capability. Working out next to a super shapely human was something akin to a donkey working out beside a unicorn. It was an unfortunate picture to say the least. Despite the discomfort I certainly learned a lot. It was extremely effective and even though I’m going it alone this time, I think my training experience will be of some help as I go forward.
Why do trainers get so excited about your pain? Even the most empowering and motivating trainers tend to get all excited about misery. I get it. Sort of. I mean I get all verklempt over starting IVs and stuff but I don’t smile and yell “get you some!” while I’m doing it. Is that really necessary? You could at least TRY to hide your enjoyment a little. Whatever. We all have our things I guess. Some people get excited about glitter. Some people like pain. No judgment.
So I think I’ve lost my electric skillet. Do you think it’s possible for a giant pile of laundry to eat a small appliance? Because it’s GONE. What do you know about some hotel room skillet stir fry? That’s happening. If I can just convince my laundry pile to regurgitate my skillet, we’ll be in business. Otherwise I’ll be reduced to sad packets of tuna and unfortunate odors. We’ll see how it goes. I better let you go for now. I have to finish packing and mothering before this new adventure begins. I hope you and yours are safe and happy, and I’m glad you stopped by.
Shout out to my best friend for todays vocabulary word: verklempt.
The Glittery Nurse
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