It’s a smooshy sort of day and I thought I’d get in on all the squishy feels by telling you a story. It’s my favorite love story, and as it happens, it’s my very own. Not that I’m partial at all. Okay, I lied. But believe me, you’re gonna want to hear this.
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Torrential Downpours and High Kicks
Before I go any further, I have to acknowledge every single one of you who reached out to me after my last post. Your responses were unbelievable! It was like a flash mob support group, and people came out of the woodwork to join in and contribute. Thank you for sharing your struggles with me and accepting my giant flaws with so much kindness. What an amazing thing to be understood, and to find out that we are not so very different even when we feel incredibly out of place. One insightful nurse friend explained her strategy like this: she works very hard at trying to love herself, because she truly loves the people around her. How beautiful is that?! It’s the best response to the self loathing struggle I’ve ever heard, and I’ve made up my mind to follow in her wise foot steps. I plan to start by coming up with one nice thing to say about myself every single day. Today it’s the fantastic Michael Jackson elevator kick. You’ll have to stay tuned for that, my friends.
Fire and Determination
This was not the post I intended to write, but in the end I think it’s the right one. The feels were strong the last few days, and they bashed my emotional sphincter incessantly until I thought I’d explode or die. Let’s just say that I didn’t die. My inner petulant two year old got her feelings hurt unintentionally, and the wound festered and spewed out all over these pages. But they sat here, full of fire and defensive verbal flinging, for days, waiting on my final verdict. In the end, I had to decide what I really wanted this web page to be, and how I wanted to represent that. After much consideration, I’ve decided to go a different way, to be, at least in this moment, the person I wish I were, and to keep my focus on the one thing in this world that I can ever really change: myself.
I don’t know if this is something unique to me, or if it’s a universal struggle, but I can FEEL what people believe about me. And the more I can feel it, the more I start to emulate the person they believe me to be.
New Beginnings and Old Habits
Tomorrow is a big day. It’s the very first day of a new career and I’m all kinds of worked up about it. On the one hand, it’s beyond exciting that the thing I’ve been thinking about and working toward for years is finally happening. On the other, there are about a million and one ways to die, and as a nurse, I’ll be expected to keep people alive. No pressure right? Luckily, I got into a new graduate program that will give me seven weeks of classroom and simulation training before I get thrown out into the real world with all it’s terrors and trials. The best part is
Dear Brazil
Dear Brazil,
Is it okay if I call you that? I don’t know your name but I’ve been watching you for awhile. Don’t worry I can’t see who you are or anything. That would be totally creepy and unsettling. What I mean is that I’ve seen that you’ve stopped by my blog several times. I only know that because this new blog contraption shows me a map of the world and when someone visits, that country lights up on the map. For the last three days in a row, you’ve come to see me! You show up in the form of a little number one and a yellow Brazil on my very neutral map.
It’s really pretty, that chunk of yellow on that big lonely world. I’m writing to you today because I thought you should know that I see you and you’re awesome.
Obviously when I first noticed you from across the internet, I assumed there was some sort of mistake. I don’t know anyone in Brazil. To be honest I don’t know much about Brazil at all. Then I got to thinking that perhaps I do know someone in Brazil, and just don’t realize it. Maybe I have a well traveled friend who happened to check in on me via the interwebs while away on vacation. I’ve asked everyone I know about the traveler possibility, and as far as I can tell, you are indeed a stranger. But in the best possible way of course!
Star Wars and Space Boobs
There was this amazing interview on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert last night. You can check it out here. Astronaut Scott Kelly fielded questions while floating around in the International Space Station. How fantastic is that? Apparently he’s been in space for longer than any other NASA astronaut. Imagine having that accomplishment on your resume. I mean, what job would you even do after something that boss? There’s no way you could go back to some sad nine to five in a crusty cubicle after watching the actual world spin around in space. He’s totally ruined, in the best possible way. He also has an identical twin and the genius spacey type people (who I assume are eternally in Houston), are doing all manner of research about how space affects the body. I have SO MANY QUESTIONS, and not a single one is G rated.
Time Troubles and Epic Tests
My girlchild is becoming a bit too smart for comfort these days. She’s recently embraced the concept of time. It’s all very exciting until someone uses their shiny new time knowledge to petition for a later bedtime. Spätzle fritz! Clocks are ruining my life! Gone are the days of sending wayward children to bed on a whim with the logic that it’s dark outside, (daylight savings for the win!). Now there’s this distant, well defined finish line towards which I can’t seem to make any progress. Oh the struggles! The incessantly talking, questions for days, adorable little struggles. This is where I would put the usual disclaimer
The View From A Bridge
My life is bookmarked by a collection of moments. Most are awkwardings which I can never un-feel. Like the time the paint flapped straight off of my car. For shame! Or the time my gut rumbled and gurgled, aggressively echoing around an otherwise silent classroom during a test. That one comes with residual cringe. But there are a quiet few moments that mark a shift. A turn, taken long ago, that now stands tall as the obvious origin of this day.
Correct Bulb Placement and Some Recently Used Air
My husband and I had a wreath conflict over the holidays. I made the wreath a few years back with a gold bow on top and a Christmas Bulb hanging from the bow. Nothing fancy, but I like it. When questioned about this years wreath placement, my husband informed me that I’ve been hanging it wrong all this time. The picture above has the recently modified, correct bulb placement. It’s a guy thing and it involves dangling. Apparently bulbs should also work on the buddy system. I get it. My bulb sensitivity horizons have been expanded, thank you Love.
My Village of Awesome Pieces
I’ve never been one of those people who thought a better life could be had by anyone who was willing to go to school, get an education and subsequently a better, higher paying job. It’s true that an education is helpful in improving your life, but my point is, I know it’s not that simple. There’s so much more to it than that, and there have been times in my own life when it was impossible for me to go to school, for lack of a support system. It truly does take a village. I tell you all this just to say that it’s not lost on me, all the countless things that had to go exactly right in order for me to be graduating tomorrow. There were countless pieces to this puzzle and if even one had not been in its place, the entire picture would be skewed. So today, in honor of all the awesome pieces that came together to build my village, I’m taking a moment to be thankful, acceptance speech style.