There are two people in my world that I recognize on Father’s Day, my dad for raising me, and my husband for raising my loves. Let’s start at the beginning with my dad.
You have been a quiet compass in my life, always at the center of whatever trajectory I chose, pointing out into the darkness of the world as a lighthouse of possibility. I see what my life could become because I have watched you build yours. I know what kindness and love look like because I have seen you scatter it among strangers and people you knew couldn’t deserve or return it. The way you have reinvented yourself, your life, your career, and continue to purposefully, painstakingly develop beyond your comfort zone, has opened up for me a bright window overlooking the infinite possibilities in my own future. There are many small steps in my life that I’d have never had the inclination or courage to take, if it weren’t for your footprints so clearly there.
Do you remember how I sat beside you on that giant yellow roller coaster, on which I was certain I’d die? I went on that monstrosity because I wanted you to like me, even though I was sure I’d be riding The Loch Ness to my dramatic splattering death. You were completely untouched by the terror of that ride and that gave you true superhero status. I remember clenching my eyes (among other things) tightly shut the entire ride and when you noticed, you leaned over and said “When I tell you to, open your eyes!” You gave the word, I dutifully opened my eyes, and the world in all its twisting glory was completely upside down! All that fear turned into discombobulated humor as I saw the sky beneath me. I was so displaced by the thrill of it that I completely forgot to be afraid, and to this day I still love a good roller coaster.
There was another moment on the edge of a cliff, where you held my white knuckled hand, amused and smiling at the panic in my eyes and you said “You can do this.”, and so I did. I rapelled over that cliff, heart beating out of my chest, hanging from a rope on a harness above the raging rapids, slowly at first, then jubilantly as I broke through the fog of my comfort zone into the great wide world of awesome beyond.
I remember those moments and so many others. They go with me as I face my day and my life. I remember to open my eyes, to see past the things I’m afraid of, and I hear your steady smiling voice saying “You can do this.”
I am so grateful that my children have a Papa like you. Your unfailing efforts to be an integral part of their little lives mean more than I could fit onto this page. I know you will give them perspectives and insights that I could not, and I’m excited for them because I know what that’s like and what that will mean for them.
There’s another man in my life these days, who holds my hand and whispers encouragement. My husband and now the father of my two kids, has taken over the role of captain. I remember with great clarity your first moments of fatherhood. I can still see the look on your face when that precious tiny gift was brought so early, and the gentle worried sweetness of our days in the NICU. You are the constant source of strength and wisdom in this family we’ve created, and I truly couldn’t have gotten this far without your love and unfailing belief in me.
Your quiet confidence is something I hope our children grow to have, and your strong protective instincts melt my heart. I don’t think you have any idea how truly and deeply I love you. The smallest moments mean the world to me because I share them with you. Thank you for encouraging the crazy, and for being the constant steady strength beneath this chaos of ours. Also, thanks for not telling anyone how I screeched like a pterodactyl when that demon roach took flight, or how I evacuated our house for an entire day when a wasp accidentally flew in. For the record, I was fully prepared to cut our losses and move, on both occasions. Your bravery and my cowardice are equally epic and that, my dear, makes us all the more perfect together.
Eternally Grateful,
The Glittery Nurse
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