Star Wars and Space Boobs

There was this amazing interview on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert last night. You can check it out here. Astronaut Scott Kelly fielded questions while floating around in the International Space Station. How fantastic is that? Apparently he’s been in space for longer than any other NASA astronaut. Imagine having that accomplishment on your resume. I mean, what job would you even do after something that boss? There’s no way you could go back to some sad nine to five in a crusty cubicle after watching the actual world spin around in space. He’s totally ruined, in the best possible way. He also has an identical twin and the genius spacey type people (who I assume are eternally in Houston), are doing all manner of research about how space affects the body. I have SO MANY QUESTIONS, and not a single one is G rated.

Listen, I couldn’t do space travel. Mostly because at this point I use A LOT of gravity to like, tame my chin and stuff. I’m pretty sure my chin would eventually eat my face if gravity didn’t keep it nicely tucked onto my neck. Also, there’s not a bra in the world that’s structured enough to tame the ta-tas without some serious gravitational pull. It would get ugly. Side boob’s got nothing on space boobs, I’m sure.

Seriously, isn’t it amazing to know that right this minute, there’s an actual person floating around in space above us? I’m so intrigued and impressed. Do you know what the sky looks like from your backyard at night? Is that something everyone knows? I love the sky above my house. It’s all sparkling stars and planetary glitter framed by windy clouds and fluttering leaves. It’s one of my favorite things. It changes almost as much as I do. Something about it makes me feel small and brave, like standing knee deep in the ocean, but without the underlying fear of being eaten by a snaggletoothed sea creature.

Speaking of being eaten, The Revenant was so epic. It was such a beautiful and terrifying story. My loved ones and I may never venture into the woods again, but the movie was brilliant. I have so much commentary about how closely it resembles my experience of nursing school, but I’ll spare you for now.

So I watch movies these days. That’s new. I had absolutely no time for that sort of luxury during nursing school, and even before that I was too busy mothering. How great are movies?!

I went to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens last weekend. We sat in these special red chairs that moved and twisted and tilted, like that Epcot ride Soarin. HOW DID I MISS THAT? It’s like I was away at nursing prison for two years and upon my release, found the world changed and fancy with tilty chairs in the movie theaters.

Despite all the awesome that is Star Wars, I have to say that my fellow movie theater peeps were slightly disappointing during our time together. The entire film, not a single person cheered! No clapping, no triumphant fist pumping, not even a squeal of any kind. I mean really? You’re all doing it wrong! Do you not know how fantastic this is? Also my chair is moving and I can feel the force in my spleen. It was hands down the best way I’ve ever watched a movie, and I had to stifle my enthusiasm SO HARD. I’d trade in all that boring decorum for a bit of immature enthusiasm any day. We’re meant to feel movies, not just see them, don’t you think? Good talk. Now I think I’ll go have a seat on my yard swing, (like a porch swing, but in the backyard), and get weird about my beautiful piece of the sky.

Goodnight fellow gravity users!

The Glittery Nurse