The View From A Bridge

My life is bookmarked by a collection of moments. Most are awkwardings which I can never un-feel. Like the time the paint flapped straight off of my car. For shame! Or the time my gut rumbled and gurgled, aggressively echoing around an otherwise silent classroom during a test. That one comes with residual cringe. But there are a quiet few moments that mark a shift. A turn, taken long ago, that now stands tall as the obvious origin of this day.

One of these defining shifts in direction took place years ago on a bridge not far from here. It happened on the day I chose to leave my favorite lucky fishing village, having failed so hard at my first attempt at adulting. I watched dolphins play in the changing tide during those last few moments on that discarded paths bridge. It was sad and heavy and real and I remember it all very well. I came so close to staying, because change can hurt so much, but leaving was the truest path for me. As hard as it was then, I’m glad about it now. That change set me on just the right heading towards this amazing day, and for that I’m deeply grateful.

I was able to go back and visit that old bridge the night after nursing school graduation. From the top, under the moon, I could see much farther than the twinkling harbor and the powerful gulf beyond. I could see back to those lost nights when I’d slept in my car, and how hard I’d wished for a floor on which to lie down flat. I could see very clearly, all the bad choices and the mistakes I’d made that changed and shaped me. I could feel how the hopelessness and self loathing used to sit at a sharp angle inside my chest back then. Weathered over time, and with a bit of wise coaching, those feelings have been broken down and built up again with confidence and time now filling the holes where sadness and doubt had been.

Looking out through the dark breeze, I could see back to the beautiful parts of my past too. There were eternal days kissing the sun rays, out at the jetties, swimming with sea turtles between ripples of light and water, where time meant nothing at all and neighbors became life’s most treasured and trusted friends. What an unbelievable view from that beautiful bridge!

Standing there, on that bridge again, with my newly minted diploma and my favorite people around me, I found a better version of the person I’m trying to become. I’m learning, growing on purpose, and changing still. I hope this life has many more bookmarked bridges in store for me. I don’t expect the next new chapter to be any less fraught with difficulties or obstacles that need overcoming, but having come along this far, I have great hope and such sparkling dreams about what views this journey might reveal up ahead. Fairy godmother not included, of course. From time to time, I will make a point to remember, to stop, and to look back at the place where I began, to appreciate the messy moments where new direction can be found. This life is truly not lost on me.

With love and nostalgia,

The Glittery Nurse